For about 16 years, I sold residential and luxury real estate. I’ve spent the last 25 years coaching. That’s given me the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing negotiators in real estate like my business partner, Ben Kinney. He’s an incredible negotiator, and I just love the art of negotiation and being an incredible sales professional. Over the years, I’ve seen firsthand how real estate negotiation skills can change the course of an agent’s career.
If some of you are new to the business, it’s not unusual to come in with a little baggage around being a salesperson. But there is no more fascinating business in the world than selling. Without salespeople, there would be very little progress made. In fact, real estate negotiation skills are the backbone of moving deal and people forward.
One thing I told myself as a young agent, when I was getting comfortable with taking the bull by the horns and being a strong negotiator, was that my job as a great sales professional isn’t to push people into doing things they don’t want to do. It’s to help people get past their fear and hesitation to achieve their goal. You wouldn’t be married without some sales skills so let’s just apply those to real estate, right? And when you really think about it, real estate negotiation skills are what allow you to help clients reach their dreams.
Why would a buyer or seller come to you? People are busy. Why would they meet with you if they weren’t looking for you to help them accomplish their goal? But as we know, sometimes they just get in their own way. And guess what? We have now moved back to the type of market where real estate negotiation skills will shine.
We’ve spent a lot of the last few years being order takers. But when the market shifts, when it’s harder to get listings sold and offers come in under asking, sellers really begin to appreciate a quality agent more. It takes skill and expertise not just to get the transaction together, but to keep it together. That’s where real estate negotiation skills really set you apart.
Bottom line: if you want to earn more in less time, have happier customers, and less stress in your life and theirs, you’ve got to improve your real estate negotiation skills.
Self-Evaluation
Let’s do a little self-skill evaluation. On a scale of 1 to 10 (and you can’t use 7), where would you rank your skill right now as a negotiator? Just the fact that you’re here today tells me you’re someone who likes to educate and advance your skills. You probably also tend to be a little hard on yourself, but that’s okay. When I think of a 10, I’m thinking of Chris Voss, the ex-hostage negotiator who now teaches at Harvard. It’s hard to be perfect, but we can always do a little more work to enhance our real estate negotiation skills.
Think about your last few negotiations. Whether you were trying to get an offer accepted, win a competitive listing, or save a deal, where did your breakdowns occur? Was it not connecting with the buyer or seller? Was it because the agent on the other side was difficult? Where did the breakdowns occur? Often, the answer lies in the real estate negotiation skills we bring to the table.
I always say, in a situation that doesn’t go well, I like to ask myself: what was my DNA in this? If I’m not a 10, am I too emotional? Too argumentative? Too focused on my agenda? Did I fail to prepare properly? Could my communication style, skills, or word choices improve? Did I just give up too easily? What do you think stops you from being a 10 in your real estate negotiation skills?
Maybe when you’re too argumentative, it’s because you feel like you’re defending your client, going to battle with the other agent. But Chris Voss says that’s not the best approach. The best approach is more collaborative. Real estate negotiation skills are about finding the win-win, not going to war.
Your Pre-Negotiation Routine
What is your pre-negotiation routine? For example, if you’ve written an offer and you’re presenting it to the listing agent, who is that agent? What do you know about them? What could you say or do to build rapport? Is your offer flawlessly prepared? Did you read the MLS instructions? Have you checked off all the boxes so you know you’re fully prepared to win the home for your client? These are the details that separate average agents from those with strong real estate negotiation skills.
Are you consciously working to adapt to personalities? If it’s your buyer or seller, you might do a good job of realizing if they’re analytical or direct. But we’re not just negotiating with them—we’re negotiating with everyone in the deal. Are you adapting to the listing agent, the lender, or other affiliates? Are you communicating in a style that moves the transaction forward without conflict? This is where real estate negotiation skills are tested daily.
It seems like people today are trying to hide their motivation from us, yet they come to us for help. We have to dig, ask questions, and be detectives, reading between the lines. I think of it like a puzzle: what is their personality, motivation, past experiences, and what’s really inspiring them to move? If I can see the full picture, I know what’s important to them and how to get them past their fear and hesitation. That’s the heart of real estate negotiation skills.
Being a Wise Advisor
Are we stepping up as a wise advisor to guide them? Giving your opinion is different than being a wise advisor. I’m always careful about giving my opinion to a buyer or seller because I’m not them. For example, driving into downtown LA, there are old houses with graffiti, right by the freeway. I wouldn’t live there, but people do because it’s what they can afford or where they grew up. So I’m careful about giving my opinion. I think being a wise advisor is knowing the market data and giving them the information they need to make a decision. Real estate negotiation skills mean giving clients the power to choose, not choosing for them.
If they ask, “Do you think I should buy this house?” I say, “I can’t give you that opinion. I can share the information and options, but it’s up to you.” Sometimes you have to walk a mile in their shoes and understand their distress. Even the nicest people lose their mind in a real estate transaction. If their house isn’t selling for what they dreamed, they may attack you. It’s hard to be calm and patient, but real estate transactions are incredibly stressful, and they don’t do it every day. You have to remind yourself to calm down, mind your words, and be patient. This is where real estate negotiation skills make all the difference.
Back to being too aggressive as a negotiator, Chris Voss says you’re better off being collaborative. Negotiation isn’t a battle; it’s a communication that produces a result. Try never to enter a verbal conflict. There can’t really be a fight if only one person is being aggressive. Avoid conflict, flatline your emotions. If needed, step away from the call or meeting and come back when you’re calm. Ask more questions to open up rapport and communication. These are all real estate negotiation skills you can practice every day.
Handling Conflict
Let me share a quick story. My husband got a call from an agent who wanted to make an offer on his listing. She said, “I don’t know how long you’ve been in real estate, but I’ve been in it for 20 years, and you’ve ridiculously overpriced this property. I’m going to tell my buyer to offer 15% less.” My husband was annoyed, but I told him to smile and take it easy. He said, “I appreciate your feedback. I’ve been in the business for over 30 years. We have five offers, all over asking, and we’ll be reviewing them Monday. You’re welcome to submit any offer you choose, but if your buyer really wants the property, they might want to raise their offer.” She hung up.
In that moment, you want to fight back. But what does it accomplish? It burns your energy, makes you upset, and might get in the way of your client’s best interest. I felt sorry for her buyer. She wasn’t educated about the market and made the listing agent not want to work with her. If you’re on my husband’s side, be gracious. You don’t have to take abuse. If you’re that aggressive person who likes to fire up conflict, stop it. It’s not going to serve you well. Keep your ego out of it. Be the calm, cool head in the deal. Emotional control is an important real estate negotiation skill.
Preparation and Mindset
When going into a negotiation, prepare, do your research, and be well-informed. Then, just wipe your mind clean. Go in with an open and clear mind, listen, and ask questions. Read between the lines instead of being preoccupied with pushing your agenda. You’ll enjoy it more, and it will go better. This is a core part of real estate negotiation skills.
It’s important to have all parties involved in the negotiation. Otherwise, you can’t really impart the critical information properly. For example, if you present an offer to Thomas, but his wife Sherry isn’t there, she may reject it because she wasn’t part of the conversation. As much as possible, have all parties involved. Real estate negotiation skills include managing the entire group dynamic.
Sometimes clients lie to us. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people—they just might not be comfortable disclosing everything. Accept that not everything they tell you is the truth. For example, “I will not take one penny less for this house!” How many times have we heard that? Then they go on to accept less. That’s a stated position, not a real position. It’s their way of getting you to fight harder. Take it with a grain of salt. Real estate negotiation skills help you see past the words to the real motivations.
Chris Voss says, “Don’t worry about being so nice.” He doesn’t mean be rude, but you don’t have to be their friend. They hired you to be strong and strategic. They may not always like you when you’re giving tough love, but they need to respect you. Some doctors don’t have great bedside manner, but they’re brilliant and you trust them. You want your clients to respect you. That’s the long-term value of real estate negotiation skills.
Setting Expectations
You cannot absorb all responsibility for the market. You didn’t create these conditions. Maybe it’s a difficult house to sell. You didn’t tell them to buy the house that backs to the prison and faces the junior high, but now you’re trying to get it sold. If the market isn’t responding, all you can do is help them navigate through it.
They love to pin you down: “What do you think will happen? Is this price good enough?” My favorite script: “No one has a crystal ball. The real estate market is like the stock market, it changes every day. I can’t promise you the market will accept your price, but I will give you the facts along the way to help you make the best decision.” Be careful not to agree with them about the price if you’re not sure. If you have to go back for a price adjustment, they’ll remember what you said. Real estate negotiation skills include setting clear, honest expectations.
Empathy, Not Sympathy
I was talking to a coaching client who works in the luxury market in North Carolina. He was complaining to his brother, an oncologist, about tough conversations with sellers. His brother said, “Every day, I have to tell people they’re sick or dying. I have to give them the facts. It can’t always be warm and fuzzy.” Sometimes we have to be the doctor and they’re the patient.
Empathy is saying, “I can appreciate that you wanted more for your home. If I were you, I’d feel the same. But the market doesn’t support that value, so if you want it sold today, this is what we need to do.” Chris Voss says, “When things get tough, slow it down.” When you speak fast, it raises anxiety. He calls it the “late night DJ voice.” Calm it down, slow it down.
Remember, you are negotiating with everyone until the deal ends. Even if the agent on the other side is nice, don’t assume they’re as skilled as you. Sometimes you have to coach them in a subtle, non-egotistical way. Sometimes you have to do the heavy lifting for both sides. Real estate negotiation skills make you the anchor for the entire transaction.
Continuous Improvement
After each negotiation, ask yourself: What did I do right? What did I do wrong? What did I learn? If you made a mistake and the deal blew up, it’s okay. We’re human. Learn from it and move on. Once you know what you need to work on, let it go. Don’t beat yourself up. Real estate negotiation skills improve with every deal, win or lose.
Chris Voss says, “Be ready to take a punch and come back strong, but without anger.” Remember, flatline your emotion, use your late-night DJ voice. Be the calm, cool head. Your job is to help clients overcome their fear and hesitation to achieve their goals.
I am passionate about seeing you not just survive, but thrive. If you need some coaching to raise your skills, reach out. Just find one or two things after each negotiation to work on, and before you know it, your real estate negotiation skills will be an eight, nine, maybe even a ten.
